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james' diary

Diary entry - 14th June 2012

Time to get back to 6th form for the start of the new A2 syllabus. I should make it clear that I like school for the routine it creates in my life, not the subjects I do. I hate all my subject choices right now, getting up in the morning would be so much easier otherwise. My mood towards 6th form and education as a whole isn't at an all time high. Neither is my mood towards anything else if I'm honest. Reading the steep requirements for future careers and university courses can be a real downer for someone who perceives a lot of the things they do to be useless or unrewarding, though I think the only reason I am this way is because I have poor confidence.

A key thing to have if you're having problems, such as the difficulties experienced by people with autism, is a support system. These are people that you can go to with anything and they will help and support you, they usually consist of your family and friends, sometimes therapists. My support system has been invaluable lately. There are many benefits to asking for help when you need it. The people I have that help me are the staff at 6th form and Air Cadets, unfortunately I don't have the luxury of a best-friend that I am comfortable confiding in.

Recently at Air Cadets there was an issue concerning me learning how to play the bell lyre and also playing side drum on parade (not at the same time). The NCO in charge of the band had a problem with me being committed to 2 instruments and said I needed to pick one or the other. I then rushed to the Bandmaster for help, and she made a pretty good case for me to stay where I am, although she questioned why I was learning a new instrument anyway. The next 10 minutes were explaining how I wanted to change instruments as I wasn't enjoying playing side drum, which was caused by not progressing/getting anywhere good, which was caused by me not having responsibility in the band, which is caused by my lack of confidence. In the end, my support system at Air Cadets said they would help me by putting me in roles requiring me to show leadership skills and confidence in front of other cadets. Right now I'm apprehensive to them 'throwing me in to the deep end', but I know this will make me a better person in the long run.

To conclude: ask for help when you want it, more often than not, you will get the help you need.