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james' diary

Diary entry - 18th May 2012

These last few days have been anything but boring.

I went to a Mayor's Oscars last Friday night where the promotional video for the town made by the media academy I'm in was shown. Hundreds of councillors and businesspeople saw it and were impressed, judging by the enthusiastic applause at the end of the video. This is great to add to my personal portfolio, especially when I achieve my dream of becoming a wicked awesome voice actor, which is what I do most of in the academy.

Immediately after the Oscars had ended my family drove me to Cambridge for the Mathematics department open day at Queen's college the next Saturday morning. It's Cambridge, so you can bet your life that they'll have high entry requirements, which they of course had. I have to admit I felt quite out of my depth among the other students who seemed to be at least a whole year ahead of me in terms of knowledge in Mathematics. Everyone except me nodded to confirm they knew about Pigeon Hole Theory. I still don't know what it is to this day. There were 3 lectures I attended. I only found 1 vaguely interesting, and that was on number theory, the rest had exhausted my mind after 2 minutes with their complex equations and Greek notation.

After the open day was over and done with, my family went to the birthday party of one of my uncles. He had hired his favourite musician to play in a small club venue, he had apparently been following him since he was 14. I had never heard of John Otway, now it will be hard to forget him. He's almost 60, plays the guitar and sings songs as if he's telling a story. Plenty of enthusiasm and energy from him. I think of him like Doc from Back to the Future, playing songs like Tribute by Tenacious D. Despite one of my deepest interests being playing drums for my band, my experience with gigs is very minimal. During this John Otway gig I had no idea how to act. Bobbing around and nodding my head like everyone else in the crowd looks ridiculous, so I chose to remain stationary and only move to clap my hands at the end of a song. I liked his music, but I had trouble expressing myself in a way that is socially acceptable, I felt really awkward, as usual.

The next day I met my uncle's closest relatives for a more formal party at his house. Many of the relatives, I didn't know and found hard to strike up a conversation with. Most conversations appeared to be about the weather and people's journeys to Cambridge. I really don't understand why people constantly talk about that at family gatherings. We all know British weather has a horrible reputation for being grim and unpredictable, and there's always roadworks or a car accident to hold up traffic somewhere on the UK motorway, so why do we have to reiterate this to our family members? There are people with interesting stories about their recent experiences, why not ask about them instead? I've put it down to be yet another popular Neurotypical social paradigm that I don't understand. When I host family gatherings, we'll have much better topics of conversation.

Later in the evening my family returned home to Cheshire, where the things I own have ended up owning me, which is shown by my instant attraction to the PC as soon as I walk through the front door of my house.

I logged on to Facebook where a female acquaintance of mine from 6th form expressed interest in seeing me one-on-one during study leave when she didn't have exams. I was very pleased by this, as for a very long time I had been looking for an opportunity to develop a friendship, maybe even get a best friend, and meeting someone outside 6th form is perfect. Unfortunately I panicked when she made her intentions clear that she wanted to see me one-on-one because she wanted to date me, not because she wanted a platonic relationship like I originally thought. I have no idea what to do really. I have talked about this with several people that I know, most of them recommending I go for it. For now I made it clear I wanted to start off first as regular friends and see how it works out between us. I have AS level exams over the next 2 weeks, which I really must revise more for. Having the extra pressure of a romantic relationship alongside all the other things I do in the week might not be the best thing for me right now.