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james' diary

Diary entry - 4th March 2013

Whilst I have been spending most of my free time in Sixth Form completing homework tasks and revising classwork i.e. avoiding being distracted by socialising, my competence in conversation has dwindled. Basically I am really awkward around people when they attempt to engage me in general chit-chat. Rather than reply with anything witty or at least meaningful when someone goes in to, in my view, inane conversation, I contemplate why they even said this to me in the first place. Many things I’m expected to reciprocate conversation to are statements, not questions, ergo in the world of give-take/two-way conversation I feel stuck. I question if most people are actually talking to me or talking at me.

Long story short, while all those musings go around in my head the person I am meant to be talking to has either felt the need to point out that an awkward silence has occurred or has now occupied themselves with their phone.

I’m going to university soon and no one I know is going so I’m wondering if there’s any purpose in trying to establish a relationship with anyone in Sixth Form if it’s only going to diminish in a few short months. It would be great to have a good friend at Sixth Form but I don’t want to have to deal with breaking apart when we go our separate ways after the summer.